The last corporation I ever worked for had recently laid off 500 employees when they called a virtual all-hands meeting across the entire company.

I was not one of the employees they had just laid off. 

Probably because I had already absorbed an entire second role without a penny added to my salary — “There will be no raises this year,” HR reluctantly revealed when I (first) nicely asked for, then later demanded, higher pay for twice the work. 🤦

👉 You’re not crazy. They really are trying to convince you that less money for more work is a gift.

👉 Always question a word salad. If they can't explain it in plain language, you don’t want what's being served.

And now — the story behind why this advice matters. 👇

The company was in trouble. They were attributing our collective woes to shifting market conditions, and downplaying the reality— 

The reason we were in such a sticky wicket was because of a series of neglectfully short-sighted leadership decisions which failed to recognize that… ya know… market conditions can shift.

So thousands of employees from across the globe jumped on Zoom to listen to the C-Suite spout canned excuses and respond to carefully pre-selected questions from the workforce.

It. Was. So. Icky.

But it was also exactly what I expected. Except for one thing that floored me—

They knew they had to address the fact that they weren’t giving raises to anyone, even folks who got promotions or absorbed more work. So they presented an anonymous “question” from the audience to the CMO. It was something like:

“How will this year’s revised strategy impact our own personal career progression?”

The CMO took a moment and pretended to think about his (obviously pre-rehearsed) response.

Then he said (I’m paraphrasing, but this is pretty damn close to an exact quote):

I couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough at that spin. 🙄

But there it was. He had just told everyone what I already knew — we were all going to have to do more work for less pay because the executives had shit the bed. 

The Zoom chat immediately lit up like a Christmas tree, and I thought “Lord, he’s about to have thousands of people call out his crank.”

But that’s not what happened. Instead, everyone was like:

👏 “WOW, that’s so true, progression isn’t linear, how insightful!”

👏 “What a great opportunity, I’m honored to work here!”

👏 “So pumped for this new direction!”

And a million heart and applause emojis flew across the screen. ♥️👏

What in the actual f*ck.

Were these people brainwashed Kool-Aid drinkers? Or just plain morons? How was it possible they didn’t catch the meaning behind the CMO’s carefully curated word salad?

That was the moment I began planning my escape. It’s one thing to be asked to do more work for less pay because the company is in trouble. But it’s total bullshit to frame it as an “opportunity”—

And I wasn’t going to work with a bunch of nincompoops who actually believed it. 💩

Look — I certainly can’t claim that I’ve never allowed myself to be manipulated. I have absolutely fallen for bullshit.

One interaction that still keeps me up at night involves a well-known executive (my former boss) who is an absolute master of plausible deniability. She puts dirty politicians to shame.

And because of her overall shittiness, the place had become an intolerable work environment. So as soon as an opportunity presented itself elsewhere, I noped right out of there.

The day after I submitted my resignation notice, she called me into her office. I was fully prepared to tell her exactly why I had quit. Burn that bridge. 

Instead, this was the conversation:

She didn’t ask a single question, or open the door to a conversation. Instead, she masterfully manipulated the exchange by making statements that were technically true — which forced me to agree — then showed me the door.

After that, she could truthfully tell anyone who asked, “I spoke to Kristin, she’s leaving because she got a great opportunity, and we couldn’t convince her to stay.”

But if I had been prepared to expect her bullshit, I would have responded to “So, I hear you’re leaving us for a great opportunity,” with “Nope, that’s not all…” — and laid it on her.

But even that kind of preparation wouldn’t have been a match for her expert-level bullshit spinning, as was evidenced by what happened to one member of my team who quit shortly after I did.

Knowing how she had manipulated my conversation, he didn’t hold back, and listed all of the unsavory reasons he was choosing to leave the company, concluding with:

“For my own mental health, I cannot tolerate it here any longer.”

Bingo. He gave her exactly what she wanted. 

She turned around and told everyone he was leaving for “mental health reasons.”

That one was pretty diabolical. It still pisses me off. Especially since she’s still with that company, and even got promoted.

Bullshit.

There’s a popular saying: “Nobody joins a cult”. It means that nobody chooses to be manipulated, exploited, or bullshitted. Because at the beginning, manipulation, exploitation, and bullshit are disguised as things like:

By the time you realize you’ve been bullshitted, it feels a helluva lot harder to get out than it was to get in. So you sink deeper. You lie to yourself. You become the bullshitter.

And I’m not just describing an actual cult here—

This is a bullshit workplace. A bullshit partnership. A bullshit client relationship.

And you’ve probably been in one. In fact, you might be in one right now.

If you think I might be describing you, my advice is to take two simple steps:

Bullshitters use language loopholes to get people to agree to things they wouldn’t usually agree to, like that wily CMO who said “career progression shouldn’t be linear”.

Everyone knew what those words meant individually. Most of them probably even knew what they meant strung together. But what they didn’t know was why they were chosen.

This is where a simple “What do you mean by that?” comes in handy. Even if you think you understand what they’re saying, force the bullshitter to speak in plain language. And if you don’t like what you hear…

Bullshitters keep a carrot inches from your nose at all times, so keep a close eye on moving goalposts.

You’re always just days away from that promotion, that promise of an important project if only you’ll complete one more menial task for that obnoxious client, or that “Double Diamond Ambassador” level if you can just recruit 10 more housewives to sell ugly leggings. 

(Lord, I hope there aren’t actually any pyramid schemers on my mailing list…)

You think, “I’ve worked so hard to get this far, I can’t give up now…” — but you absolutely should. Trust the part of you that’s embarrassed to have put so much time/effort/money into the bullshit, and get the f*ck out.

Cheers! 🍻

-Kristin