Florida just got hammered. 🌀

This really sucks, and I’m so sorry for everyone experiencing damage, flooding, and power outages. I grew up in hurricane alley, and know what a bummer it all is.

But today, I need to highlight one particular Floridian, who is near and dear to my heart—

My baby brother Jake (or “Achy Breaky Jakey”, as our mother still calls him).

Today is Jake’s 35th birthday, and his birthday plans have been ruined by a hurricane named “Milton”. 😒

Ugh.

I’m so sorry, Jake. 

Not because of the hurricane — because I just revealed your nickname to swaths of Drunk Business Advice readers. 😬

To make it up to you, here’s a photo of us from when you had more hair and less teeth:

I love you, bro. Happy birthday!

—

Today, we’re going to talk about stupid rules, and why HR loves ‘em.

✍️ Have you ever gone to battle with HR? Join the conversation on LinkedIn.

High school suuuuuucked

Hand up if you hated high school. 🙋

Let me be clear — I don’t think it’s “cool” to hate high school. I truly wish I had an amazing experience filled with tons of friends, school dances, football games, and classic coming-of-age moments.

Instead, I had a helluva time fitting in at pretty much every level of the ecosystem — not just with my classmates.

Even teachers and administrators didn’t really know what to make of me.

And I was just a kid, so I didn’t know what to make of myself, either. 🤷

It was a confusing period.

But in 10th grade, I was tossed a lifeline:

👉 I was accepted into a college dual enrollment program 📚

This meant that I didn’t have to physically attend high school anymore.

It also meant I had a more flexible schedule, and could contribute at a higher level to my family’s business.

So at 16 years old, I stopped going to high school, and ventured into the “adult” world —  taking college courses, and going to work.

In the summer between 11th and 12th grade, I was invited to enroll in a special college program in NYC, which meant leaving my sleepy Florida suburb, and moving to the city that never sleeps.

It was heaven. 😇

I felt in my bones that New York was home. 🗽

But then they changed the rules — for seemingly no reason whatsoever 🙄

One day, my mom received a dramatically upending phone call.

She was informed that the school district had changed the rules for my dual enrollment program, and I had already “maxed out” the number of college classes I was permitted to take under the new rules.

So for the second semester of 12th grade, they were forcing me to go back to high school. 🤯 

It was inconceivable to me. 

I had been living as an adult in NYC for f*ck’s sake.

I fought the decision, but since the public school system isn’t exactly known for its flexibility, I was forced back into high school — only a few months before graduation. 🤦 

It was torture.

So I rarely showed up. 🤷

If I didn’t have a test or an assignment due, I just blew off school all together.

What were they gonna do? Fail me?

Yep. 😳 

This is when I learned that lying is acceptable when you’re forced to follow a stupid rule

About a week before graduation, I got called down to the Assistant Principal’s office.

And the Assistant Principal told me that she was going to fail me. ❌ 

How was that possible? I had A’s in all of my classes, a 4.2 GPA, and was the only student to have earned a perfect score on the statewide standardized test — twice.

Apparently that didn’t matter. 

I was informed that, at their discretion, the administration could fail a student simply due to absences, no matter what their grades were.

So I did what any desperate kid would do:

👉 I forged a letter from my Mom claiming that the Mono I had in 7th grade had relapsed, and requested that all of my absences be excused due to my medical condition.

I doubt the Assistant Principal believed it, but she allowed me to graduate. 

I think she was excited to be done with me, but not without first “teaching me a lesson” about the importance of following asinine, arbitrary rules. 😒

Years later, I learned that my Dad lied to his high school about getting a girl pregnant so they’d let him graduate without one stupid PE credit he was missing.

I invented a disease, he invented an entire family. 🤷 

The apple doesn’t fall far… 🍎

My parents taught me that it’s ok to be a liar if you’re trying to get out of following a stupid rule.

It’s just as bad (if not worse) in the corporate world

As a teenager, I thought stupid rules existed so that adults could control kids.

Turns out, stupid rules also exist so that stupid adults can control anything that threatens their ego.

And it doesn’t get any worse than HR.

I’ve got dozens of stories on this topic, but for today, I’ve dug into my suppressed memories to pull out the worst one. 👇️ 

That sounds reasonable

About 10 years ago, I was hired by a large global corporation who was (secretly) looking to acquire an adjacent company in order to expand its offer.

They knew me because I had been a big client of theirs in that adjacent space, and they wanted me to facilitate the acquisition, then run that new division.

But not long after I joined the team, the Board fired the CEO, and the acquisition plan was put on hold. Instead of letting me go, they threw a bunch of other projects my way —  some that I enjoyed, and some that were absolute hell.

After a year of this, it was time for me to step out of limbo.

I sat down with my boss, and explained that I would be resigning in eight weeks.

However, I was willing to stay on if I could transition to a fully remote role, focusing on some key operational projects that would prepare the company for the eventual acquisition.

This was not a contentious situation.

I was resigning with generous notice, while giving the company an option to keep me if it suited them. My boss understood my position, and appreciated my thoughtfulness.

After he had discussed everything with some other internal stakeholders, it was decided that they wanted me to stay, and were happy with the terms I had proposed.

Cool beans. I transitioned into a remote position at the 8-week mark.

But the company wasn’t in great shape, and less than a month later, the Board voted in favor of a headcount reduction.

❌ I got the ax, along with many colleagues.

And they only gave everyone 2-weeks severance. 🤦

This was a pretty shitty thing for them to do to me, given how transparent I had been with them. They should have just accepted my resignation, which would have given me ample time to line up other income sources before leaving the company.

But I recognized that the layoffs were outside of the control of those who wanted me to stay, so I only had one request:

👉 I wanted my employment record to reflect that I had resigned on good terms with plenty of notice — not been laid off.

My boss thought it was a reasonable request (since that’s what should have happened), and put me in touch with the HR Director to coordinate it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t look up the term “haughty bitch” in the dictionary before talking to this woman, else I would have seen her photo and been prepared for the utterly absurd conversation I was about to have.

Um. What.

I hopped on the phone with the HR Director to explain the situation, and respectfully request that my record be updated.

She outright refused, saying that if she did it for me, she’d have to do it for everyone they had just laid off.

Um. No.

I pointed out that no one else had resigned with 8-weeks notice, and agreed to stay on longer at the company’s behest — only me. 🙄

So then she decided to hold my pitiful little severance hostage, telling me that if she changed my record, she wouldn’t allow payroll to deposit the two weeks of salary I was owed.

That was the rule — if I “resigned”, I wasn’t owed severance. No thoughtful discretion. Apparently.

She literally huffed when I rebutted that I had provided the company with 8-weeks notice, so if they had simply accepted my resignation when it was given, I would have no need for severance.

And if the words coming out of her mouth weren't disgusting enough, her attitude was unreservedly vile. I felt like Oliver Twist, begging for more gruel. 

Before I worked for this company, I had been one of their biggest clients, engaging them for projects worth millions of dollars. 

And just because I wasn’t going to be employed by them anymore didn’t mean I was disappearing from the industry. In all likelihood, I would be returning to my previous status as a vital f*cking client.

(Which is exactly what ended up happening).

Her top priority should have been ensuring that my departure from the company was handled with enormous care, and a desire to continue our long standing relationship.

Instead, she wanted me to sign a document that stated that if she did what I asked, I would “never seek employment” with the company again. 🤯

Not wanting to say something I would regret, I finally gave up, thanked her for her time, and hung up the phone.

.

.

.

It should be noted that the CEO eventually made things right with me when he became aware of what happened. 

(I really hope he fired her, but haughty HR bitches have an innate way of clawing their acrylic nails into big companies for decades.)

As expected, I returned to my status as a client, and continued to engage them for projects in the years that followed. 

But the damage I could have done to their company, not just by withholding my own business, but through my sphere of influence with their other major clients, would have lost them tens of millions of dollars. 💰️ 

All because some HR Director wanted to assert her authority.

👉 Just like my high school Assistant Principal, all those years before. 

They were the same person, using arbitrary “rules”, and the tiny amount of power they had over me, to feed their own egos.

But as much as these stories conjure up old feelings of red-hot anger, those emotions are quickly replaced by something rather surprising—

Peace. 💜 

Not because it’s natural. Because I’m choosing it.

And the next time you’re in a situation like this, I encourage you to do the same.

Cheers! 🍻 

-Kristin :-)

P.S. — Come tell me your hellish HR stories on LinkedIn.

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